A silent battle

I haven't mentioned it previously, but it is part of my story that I am not ashamed of so I won't hide it any longer- for the past 4 years, I have been battling anorexia nervosa. It started simply as a quest to be perfect, to get in to the Royal Ballet School. It didn't matter-to me- that my physique wasn't right; if I was emaciated they would think I was beautiful, and accept me anyway. Of course, they didn't- but by then, the damage was done, I had convinced myself that being emaciated was the only way to succeed in ballet. The whispers in my mind became overwhelming, controlling and dominating, forcing me to skip meals and lie to my parents. Anorexia made me weak, and nearly killed me- at times, forcing me terrifyingly close to taking my own life. Anorexia is probably the reason why I couldn't hold my developpe in adage, why my pointework lacked strength, why I couldn't think clearly to recall the enchainements- no wonder the School of Ballet Theatre UK didn't think I was strong enough to cope with vocational training. Anorexia has stolen my chance this year, which is why I need to fight it, compliment my ballet with hours of yoga and Pilates, to make sure I am strong enough next year to go away to vocational school. My first choice of school would probably be Ballet West in Scotland- seeing that it is 400 miles away, my parents need to be able to trust me to take care of myself!!!!! But on a more serious note- if any young dancers reading this are going through something similar to what I did, if you think you might have an eating disorder, please ask for help. I know it can be difficult to tell your parents, but if you need someone to talk to I'm always here for you, my email address is dancingdreams25@googlemail.com, I will help in any way that I can x